Day 9: A Boy Rips One Today

I was giving accommodations to four students who were in third grade for a Language Arts assessments today.  All is quiet.  You can see the seriousness in the eyes of the students~ their brow furrows as they are reading the words.  Rrrriiiipppp.  A boy lets out a very loud one.  The girls look up with shocked look on their faces~ they look at one another~ and try ever so hard not to laugh.  They let out pig squeals~ and I give them evil eye.  They quickly look back on their assessment~ not able to concentrate for a few more minutes.

Prior to getting the cochlear implants, I never heard a fart!  Ever!  It would seem so weird that life would be going about in it's own way and then as soon as someone rips one, they whole world seems to freeze for a second and start giggling.  I would have to ask what was so funny~ and they'd tell me~ and I'd have to just grin because I didn't hear it.  Maybe smell it.

Now with my new found hearing, I find it amusing that it's actually loud.  I do wonder how I never heard it before.  And, what's even more amusing to me is why people think it's funny.  Yes, I hear it, but I don't find myself giggling.  I find it rather odd that someone would just let it out so easily rather than holding it in~ and be okay with people laughing at them.  Life is so strange sometimes.

Day 8: These Damn Cars

Seriously, cars are noisy.  Ugly noisy.
I have a car that is a year old~ and it drives pretty smoothly (or at least it should).  But, when I push that button that automatically rolls down the window~ there's a very awful, low and slow ruuummmm ruuuummmm that is constant.  It gets louder when it slows down at a stoplight and has a different kind of loud when it speeds up.  Then you hear every zoom of the car that passes you by.  I hear it from a short distance away, then as it creeps up to me, the rude blaring hum (really, I can't describe it) overtakes every other noise and then it fades away like a mean joke.

Having the window rolled down brings on this sudden sounds that is so different from when the windows are up.  It sounds so heavy~ so very heavy and then somehow I feel the weight of it, like I'm being pushed right down to the hot, sticky asphalt.  Then I start to worry, "Is that sound normal?  I can't tell if that's how a 'healthy' car sounds...(then a series of paranoia follows) it better be a normal sound even though I think it sounds god-awful...if it's not, sh*t, it's going to cost a lot of money to fix it...but really, it's a new car, there shouldn't be anything wrong with it..."

Is there a "dislike" button that I can push with this  obnoxious sound?

Enough with that sound!
Off with the hearing processor!
Within seconds, a floating feeling overcomes me, the car is now gently sailing smooth seas.  I am quickly aware of the beauty of a busy street~ people are walking obliviously in their own world, the spring sun shines it's yellow rays,  and the colors of the flowers on the trees are blossoming.  I hadn't noticed any of this until I silenced my world.  Zip, in a matter of seconds.

Day 7: Amen to Music

Music seems to have always have a magical effect on people.  A person may hear one beat of a song that has just started on the radio and exclaim, "Oooh, I just LOVE this song!"  And, she would suddenly ignore everything around her and start singing and moving right along with the beat.  I've always been amazed that a person can quickly become enraptured within the first beat of a song she loves.  First of all, I didn't even hear the first beat.  Secondly, if I am familiar with the music, it would take several beats before I recognize it.  Thirdly, when I do recognize it, the song doesn't capture me and transport me to another land.

Well~ that was before having two hearing processors.

Now.
I want to absorb myself in music.  Soak it all in.  Have it sprinkle me from my head to my toes.  I loved Tracy Chapman before even having a cochlear implant.  Today?  I love her even more.  I had no idea that there were more than one musical instrument playing~ and, it's so amazing that they happen at a certain time so that there would be musical harmony.  There may even be a certain sound that happens within seconds after a beat~ to add that sensational touch to the music.  It's really quite amazing to me how people create music~ especially one that has so many instruments that come together as one~ not only that, how music can add mood to a song~ and that mood touches your soul.  Mood has a way of changing your very being within a blink of an eye.

I think my new favorite instrument is the talking drum~ I would have Dan listen to a song with me and wait for a particular sound to come~ and point to it and say, "That one, what is it?"  Dan had to pay close attention and explained to me that are a lot of other instruments playing at the same time and it was a bit challenging for him to figure out exactly which instrument I was hearing.  Every time the talking drum is hit, it does something to me~ just comes right in to my heart and makes it flutter an extra beat.

Amen to music!

Day 6

Zumba!
What a lively way to start a Saturday morning!
Latin music that make you shake your hips~ at a fast pace~ such a strong happy vibe.  It makes me want to dance, dance and dance some more.  In the past, I couldn't really dance with the music because I couldn't feel the vibration~ I would feel so awkward and then end up no dancing.  Now I can really hear the beat~ so many beats from different instruments~ how can you not dance?  How can you not groove with a smile?  I love hearing music~ more than ever.

Day 5

You see, I have been to Second City in Chicago twice~ and both times they were improvs.  Improvs are so much fun for me because so much of it is visual~ more visual than talking~ there's a lot of body language and they quickly get to the point.  And, as soon as someone in the audience shouts out something, anyone who is sitting next to me would quickly tell me what s/he said, and then I'm able to (well, most of the time) follow along with the show.

I love a good laugh!  I love to laugh.  I love to make people laugh.

Last night, Dan and I had a date to Denver Improv.  Eric Griffin was playing~ never heard of him.  Dan called ahead of time to see if they would reserve a table close to the front so I can read the comedian's lips.  They told us to arrive early and there would be a table for us.  Prior the the date, I was very nervous~ I was worried that, even with my two hearing processors, even though sounds are much clearer, even though I don't have to work half as hard to understand people, I still worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up or understand him.  Not only that, I was worried that I would completely miss out and that I'd want to leave.  Then, I worried about feeling extremely disappointed, to the point of feeling very isolated and I'd wallow in my own self pity.

Nope.

None of that happened!

I understood probably 85% of the show.  I laughed my heart out right along with the crowd.  There were moments when a comedian would cover his mouth to make some exaggerated noise with the microphone~ and I would miss out~ but only for a blip of a second.  If I really wanted to know what was missed, I'd just turn to Dan, who had his arms around me most of the night, and he'd immediately fill me in.  I felt very much a part of crowd~ and there was nothing for me to worry about.

Really.

It was an awesome feeling to be able to walk out of the show and be smiling right along with everyone else!

Now, I'm hooked.

I can't wait for the next comedy show!

Day 4

Today, I went to special ed transition meeting at a nearby middle school~ where we pass on information about our students who are transitioning on to middle school.  As we met with the the  middle school special education teachers, they took us to a very large library with high ceilings and we sat down at a small round table to chat about students.  Sometimes, I can keep up with the communication within a group~ but today, I just couldn't.  They were talking so fast, interrupting to make a joke in between conversations, and not always looking at me.  Many times, I do tell people that I am hard of hearing~ and there have also been times when I don't tell them~ today I didn't.  Since, I felt that I wasn't doing most of the talking and it wasn't my turn yet.  I decided that when it would be my turn, I'll take control of the talking.  And, yes, I did feel a bit left out when they started to laugh at a comment~ but I just sat there and smiled wishing that I could've heard the joke.  It can be a pretty isolating feeling~ being with a group of people within close proximity and not be able to laugh with them.

"Choose your battles.." seems to be a common suggestion when people are trying to decide about a situation~ I tend to do a "choose to tell" on deciding whether or not to tell someone about my hearing or lack thereof.  It can get exhausting to have to tell every every new person I meet that I have a hearing loss~ and it doesn't usually end there.  Often, I wish it did.  People respond in all kinds of ways: "Oh, do you sign?"  I don't.  I've always been a part of the mainstream society where communicating orally is my norm ( and the fact that I don't sign is a whole different story).  "Oh, is that why you have that deaf tone?"  I really, really, really hate that question, it makes me feel ashamed.  "Wow, that's amazing!"  What is?  That I can talk?  "Oh, my grandmother lost her hearing too..."  I'm not old.  I didn't lose my hearing, I was born without hearing and have never been hearing in my life.  Here's my all time favorite, "I had no idea!" I love it when a person clearly didn't know that I was "different". But, there have been many times when I'm glad to sit down with someone and go through the whole spiel of life as hearing impaired person.  And, it's a very long story.

Day 3

After listening to music while driving up to the mountains to go skiing, eating lunch outside with music blaring, hearing the whoosh whoosh of the slush as I ski down the mountains, stopping at a place to get a drink, picking up Elyza from soccer practice, chatting with her about her discovery about how decimals, percentages and fractions are really the same thing~ I had to unplug myself from the world as soon as I came home.  My head deflates like a balloon as soon as I remove the hearing processors.